This is my first blog, and my first blog post ever. This may not be super exciting and I may just be writing to myself but i need a release...

11/12/14 5:06am
About an hour ago, my ex (that I am not over in the least bit...) messaged me. He likes to pop up every few months and torment me...I've been doing so well not messaging him although it's been killing me this week not to. He knows I still have feelings for him, and if I could just snap my fingers and be over him...I would in a heartbeat!!! Within 2 minutes of messaging me he reveals that he has gotten back with his ex. I'm very short with him because I don't want to get caught up in the emotions I know I still have for him. A few minutes later he then sends me a picture of his girlfriends hand with an ENGAGEMENT RING on it! I completely broke down. I grabbed the nearest bottle of vodka, took a shot, then grabbed a beer (which I do not drink) and chugged it. I could not deal with that slam at all. Needless to say...there will be no future communication from him after my melt down. Which I am happy about because maybe then I can move on for real without him popping back up and setting me back...but at the same time I am distraught.  He is the one that "got away." The one that I will never forget. The one that I will always think "we will end up together one day." And i HATE IT. I despise the fact that I love him.

Why lead someone on, tell them you love them and you want to be with them then vanish?

Why pop up every few months and act like nothing has changed and you did nothing wrong?

Why was I not good enough?

Why?\

I will never get answers from him, because he just plays it off as being funny. I have not had a real relationship since what we will call the "Aaron phase" and I blame him completely. He ruined me. I just want someone that will care, and not have to worry about them disappearing. It's harder and harder to find a decent man anymore. What is going on with this generation???